Not Letting Go
by dyinofmonotony
Summary: Season 5 redo- Starting with "Pulp Fiction". How would things have worked out if Jess came back and had his life together? Would he win Rory back?


**Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. Wish I did. Still don't. **

Chapter One

After an embarrassing conversation about her quasi-'relationship' with her mother Rory was in desperate need of a giant cup of coffee. She also needed to finish her latest article, before Doyle started the not so subtle hints at home and the yelling in the newsroom. Why, oh why couldn't Paris have found someone else to play crazy people's version of house with? Hell, Professor Flemming was starting to look like the fun, happy times of yesterday.

With her mind bouncing all around Rory wasn't paying attention to her surroundings. She didn't notice the dark and handsome man watching her from a bench place a few feet away from the coffee cart, Paris had grudgingly informed him Rory frequented. '_God she's even more beautiful than ever.'_ Feeling the hollowness start in his gut whenever he was near her. '_Don't blow it this time, jackass. This time is for keeps.'_ He coached himself for possibly the millionth time.

Just as she was about to order Jess made his move.

"Large coffee." He said from her side holding out the cup in front of her face.

"Oh!" Rory jumped and looked up from counting her money to see Jess' smiling face.

"Jess?"

"The one and only." he smirked, waving the coffee closer to her nose.

"What are you doing here?" Rory questioned trying to hide the way her heart skipped a beat. After what happened the last time she saw him, she had been sure he would never reappear.

"You mean besides trying to hand you coffee?", he said with a smirk.

"Yes. I mean in general, Jess. As in here at Yale?" Trying to sound irritated. She couldn't let him see the effect he still had on her after all these years.

"I wanted to apologize for what happened the last time I was here." He looked deeply into Rory's eyes willing her to see his sincerity.

Rory couldn't help but smile and take the hot beverage, Jess was still holding out like a peace offering. He had always known how to wiggle his way out of a possible sticky situation.

"Really? You, apologizing? Should we notify the media of the impending apocalypse now or later?"

Shaking his head and smiling, Jess itched to wrap his arms around her. He'd missed her so much it had been physically painful at some points. Everything about her had haunted him.

"Why warn the masses? What have they done for us recently?" He joked, trying to see Rory smile one more time.

"Good point."

Jess decided to dive in and ask what he'd wanted to ask her. No point in dragging this part out. "Have dinner with me? We'll talk. We'll eat. It'll be fun."

"Dinner?" Rory asked, sounding almost confused. Jess was apologizing, asking her to dinner. He even looked put together. He'd cut his hair, lost the leather jacket. Swapping it for a nicer looking jean jacket. He just seemed more adult like.

"Dinner. The meal usually consumed after lunch and some time before collapsing into bed." He dead panned.

He stood there, hoping she would say yes. If she didn't Jess would understand but that wouldn't make it hurt any less. It also wouldn't stop him from trying again. And again and again if needed.

A few moments passed with Rory and Jess staring at each other in front of the coffee cart. Rory shocked this was actually happening. Jess silently praying she'd accept.

"Ok. Dinner sounds good. I mean we have to eat. We might as well do so together."

Jess felt the relief flood his system, "I'll pick you up at 6:30."

Turning to the man working the coffee cart he said, "Could I get two blueberry muffins?"

While Jess paid for them (refusing the change) Rory looked at him wondering why he was suddenly ordering two muffins that she knew he wouldn't eat. He just smiled and handed her the bag with the muffins. "To help hold you over until dinner. We don't want you to drop dead of starvation, now do we?"

"You remembered blueberry's my favorite?" She asked in shock.

"Of course, Gilmore. I remember a lot of things." He said quietly with a wink. Then turned and began walking away.

When he was a few feet away he turned around and called back. "I'll see you at 6:30."

He left knowing Rory was staring after him. The thought put a smile on his face.

As Rory sat at her desk in the her mind continued to race with a never ending flow of questions. Was it a date? Was it just friends catching up? Rory couldn't decide. She needed to get to her dorm to start getting ready. Already she was cataloging her clothes choices.

Rory didn't bother to look up when Logan perched on the side of her desk.

"Well, that is a look of great determination."

She didn't have time for this! On any other day Rory would have made time. But after seeing Logan with that other girl and running into Jess, she just wasn't in the mood.

Trying to cut Logan off without being rude she quickly responded, "Yes, I am determined to finish this piece before my coffee buzz wears off. And I have about 30 seconds left."

When Logan remained quiet, she was hopeful that the situation had been handled. Until she heard him say, "So…"

Taking a page from Jess' book she just repeated Logan's, "So…"

Logan sighed, "Did I see you on State Street with…"

'_He can't even finish the thought. Coward!'_

"Yea." She said keeping her response short and simple.

"Right so, you saw me on State Street with…"

"Yup." Logan just wasn't getting the hint.

"So…"

Again all Rory could think to say was, "So…"

"Are we still good?" '_She's barely even looking at me. There must be something wrong.'_ Logan didn't want Rory to be upset with him. He hadn't been lying when he told her she was special.

"Absolutely." Rory said a little too brightly.

"Really?" She didn't sound good. But he wanted to believe her.

"Logan, we both agreed, no strings attached, remember?" Smilingly looking up at him.

Logan was shocked. "I remember. I was just checking to see how well you remember."

Smiling again, Rory answered almost sarcastically, "I remember perfectly."

That sounded like a conversation ender, Maybe, this would finally be over and she could focus.

"Well, hey that's good to hear. So…"

"Oh, we're not going to do this 'so' thing again are we?" Rory had to hand it to Jess. He may be a one syllable guy but at least it wasn't the same syllable.

"No promise. No more 'so's. Would you be willing to take an 'umm'?

"Depends where's this leading?" Hopefully to the end of this talk so she could go get ready, Rory silently added.

"Umm are you busy or do you feel like grabbing a cup of coffee?" Rory could almost feel the over confidence radiating from Logan.

"Well, to use your new word… Umm I'm sorry but I actually have plans. Maybe some other time?" Rory said while gathering her things and moving towards the exit.

"Oh plans, Ace? Maybe you could include me in those plans. I haven't seen you in a while." Logan was a little thrown off. Rory had never turned him down. She'd always made time for him.

"As fun as that sounds my friend is in town and we have a lot of catching up to do."

"Oh, I'll just call you tomorrow, I guess." Logan called out to her as she was almost out the door. He felt the need to say something, anything, to get her attention.

"Sounds good!" Rory said over her shoulder, her mind already on the evening ahead.

At exactly 6:30 Rory heard the knock on her door. Even though she knew who was standing there she couldn't help how her heart dropped at the sight of Jess. He'd changed into a still casual outfit but slightly nicer than just the jeans he had been wearing earlier. Rory also noticed he was holding one hand behind his back.

"Jess, you're on time."

"And bearing coffee." He smiled, bringing a large cup of coffee from behind his back.

"Oh, coffee, how I've missed you!" Rory quickly grabbed the cup. After taking a sip she breathed, "Heaven."

Jess couldn't take his eyes off of Rory. She was amazing. "So…"

"Oh, God, not this 'so' word again." She mumbled half to herself.

"Huh?" Jess asked confused.

"I've heard the 'so word way too many times today. I just can't take it anymore."

Jess remembered the Gilmore rambling. He hadn't realized how much he liked it until he wasn't around it anymore. He could never admit this Rory or she would never let him live it down.

"Huh. We'll just have to come up with something else. How does 'hungry' work?"

Rory sipped her coffee, savoring the slightly bitter taste. "Always hungry. Don't you know anything about me?" She teased with a smile.

"A few things about you do stick in the mind. Your black hole of a stomach only being one of them." He teased, lightly poking her.

They were bantering, flirtatiously again. The tension was easing. It was always like this for them. After a few moments of awkwardness, they would settle into their old ways of joking and laughing. He could even see the tension leaving her shoulders as she relaxed.

"Ok. Where should we eat?" Rory was amazed. Jess was here. And they weren't fighting, neither was running away. It was like one of the many dreams that had been haunting her for years.

"Well, I'd prefer not going to some place with food in the title."

"Meaning?" Rory asked confused.

Jess chuckled and explained. "Olive, Chili, Soup. No gardens. No plantations."

Nodding, Rory said, "Got it. Something funkier."

"I'm sure we can find something. Come on." Jess held out his hand and Rory when Rory put her hand in his. Jess could swear he felt the electricity shoot up his arm. She still had that power over him.

"Walk or drive?" Jess asked, just trying to keep the conversation going.

"You mean your crappy old car is still running?" Rory asked in a shocked tone. She was sure that thing would have rolled over and died, fallen apart or disintegrated in the slightest storm.

"It was when I sold it. I got a new one a few months ago." He felt the need to explain.

"Oh, wow! You sold your car? Sad. I'm going to miss that old girl." Rory teased while playfully elbowing him in the ribs.

Jess put his arm around her shoulders pulling her a little closer. "Well, times they have to change or the world would get boring. Predictable. You wouldn't want that, now would you?

The playful banter continued all the way to a restaurant they found while walking. Once they were sitting across from each other everything seemed to shift from natural to serious.

The two of them were thinking too much. Jess knew he had to break the silence. "How about we get the elephant out of the way, so we can go back to having a good time?"

"Sounds good." Rory was relieved she wasn't the only one feeling a little awkward. Jess always had the tendency to make her jumpy. It was good to know she had a similar effect on him.

"The last time you saw me, I was a mess. You were right to turn me down, Rory." Jess said quietly, reaching across the table to place his hand on hers.

Rory blushed but kept her eyes steady on Jess' face. "I just don't understand… You tell me you love me and run away. Months go by, no phone calls, no letters, no smoke signals or fruit baskets. To quote you." She tried to inject a little humor, "Then you show up begging me to run away with you. Why, Jess, why?"

"To be fair, I didn't run away after I said I love you. I drove-"

"Jess!"

"Joke! I just - Rory, I never should have done those things. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so sorry."

"That still doesn't explain why, Jess?" She whispered staring down at their intertwined hands on the table.

Rory was not going to make this easy he was really going to have to open up here. "I don't even know what I was thinking, except that I missed you and wanted to try and make things work between us."

After a few moments for the pair to collect their thoughts Rory asked, "Jess, why are you doing this now? I mean telling me all of this, apologizing, showing up here? It's just not in your usual play book."

Almost whispering Rory had to strain to hear him over the noise of the other people in the restaurant. "I figured if I ever wanted to try and salvage any kind of relationship with you, I had to get my shit together and actually be open and honest with you… I'm really trying here, Rory."

"I see that, but Jess-", whatever Rory was about to say was cut off by the waitress taking their orders. Before she could start again Jess jumped in.

"Just, please, give me a chance. No running away speech. No begging. Just me simply asking. I miss you, Rory. I want you in my life."

A few moments passed in what could only be considered a stunned silence before Jess chuckled and said, "There, now I'm all out of planned speeches. All I have left to say is; think about it, please."

Rory was speechless. Jess was here. Saying all the things she's wished he had said a year ago. He had actually thought this out. He had planned this.

"Ok I'll think about it." Rory said after a beat.

"Good." He nodded, then tried to bring their discussion back to more neutral territory. "Tell me about life at Yale?"

They passed the rest of the evening talking about everything. Just like old times. Rory was beginning to realize how much she missed having Jess in her life, the easy flow of discussion with him. Their conversations never awkwardly lagged. It seemed so easy at times.

After they'd finished dessert Rory realized, while they'd talked about everything having to do with her, they'd barely touched on his life.

While they walked back to her place she asked all in one breath. "Jess, tell me what you're doing now? Do you work? Do you go to school? Where do you live? Have you talked to Luke? Does he know you're here?-"

"Whoa, slow down!" Jess said holding up his hands. Then he counted out on his fingers the answers to all her questions.

"One, Yes, I work. How else do you think I make money… You know what, don't answer that." He smiled at her knowing the many options her mind could think up.

Then he continued, "Two. I'm not in college, yet. Three, I live in Philly at the moment. Four, Yes, I still talk to Luke. No where near how much you and your mother talk but we have the occasional phone call. To answer you're last question. No, Luke, doesn't know I'm here, yet."

Jess was in no way surprised that she rambled. Or had so many questions. He was however surprised that it took her this long to ask them.

"But you're going to tell him?" She pressed.

"He's my next stop." He said with a nod.

Suddenly they were in front of her dorm. Neither really wanted the evening to end. It had been magical. They seemed to be actually heading towards…something. Both were afraid time and distance would break this spell.

Jess wanted to ask if he could come in. But that was something the 'old Jess' would ask. Yet, he couldn't seem to make himself leave either. So he stood silently in front of Rory's door looking at her while she told him a story about Paris' latest antics.

Rory finally stopped talking. She knew she was trying to drag out this good-bye. She was afraid that if they ended the evening, all this would be over. And she wouldn't see Jess for another year. She wasn't ready to handle that again.

All she could think to say was, "So…"

Jess laughed, "And here I thought that word was forbidden."

Rory blushed and looked down at her shoes, "You're right, how could I have forgotten."

Jess knew exactly what Rory was trying to work up the nerve to ask. He put his finger under her chin to force her eyes to his. He wanted Rory to see this wasn't a flat out rejection. "Rory, as much as I would love you to ask me to come in, I'm not going to. Not tonight, at least."

Rory couldn't stop herself from asking, "Why?"

Smiling, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, Jess took a small step towards her. Making the space between their bodies a mere inches before he almost whispered, "I'm taking my time here. No rushing."

Rory could have sworn Jess was going to kiss her. Closing her eyes, she could almost taste his lips feel them pressing against hers, that must have been why she was shocked when she felt them on her forehead rather than her lips.

"Lunch… tomorrow?" Jess asked, sighing and taking a step back.

"Two meals in two days?" She laughed.

"What time should I be here?"

"My classes are done at one." Rory was stunned. Jess was making plans. He was really trying to be different this time.

"I'll be by the coffee cart, hot beverage in hand." He smiled at her.

Jess leaned over and kissed her cheek. Just to feel the connection one more time before he walked away.

Rory would never know how difficult it was for Jess to walk away. He knew starting this was going to be hard. He basically was starting from scratch, while still making up for the past. Jess would have to be pushy enough to be in her space often. Yet still distant enough to show that he wasn't just trying to barge in. It was a thin line.

When Jess was gone and Rory had finally settled her nerves she thought of how wonderful the night had been. Jess was amazing. Something seemed totally changed about him. Almost like he had made peace with himself and dropped some of his 'hate the world' attitude.

Rory was so lost in thought she almost didn't see the blinking light on the message machine.

'_Hey Ace! Just calling to see if we could get together tomorrow. I'm starting to miss you. Call me!' _

Rory sighed. Somehow one dinner with Jess had made her re-evaluate this whole 'no strings attached' thing.

Jess parked his car and looked into his uncle's diner. It hadn't changed at all. In his teenage years just the thought of Stars Hollow would make his skin crawl. But after two years he'd begun to miss this town's crazy people, shin digs, and To Kill A Mockingbird-esque meetings. They could be a little entertaining, he admitted to himself.

It was always fun to see Luke deal with Kirk, Taylor or even Lorelai when she was on a tangent. And he was actually looking forward to the gossip of the town 'hoodlum returning'. Maybe they'd have another town meeting to try and ban him. That could be interesting.

The second Jess walked into the diner all conversation stopped, heads turned. Then the whispering started. Shaking his head he decided to just take a seat and wait for Luke to notice him.

Though it didn't take long, Jess still heard a few snippets of the town talk. '_never over her…looks grown up… staying?…Lorelai's going to be mad!…" _

"Jess!" Luke jumped and almost dropped the plates he had been carrying from the kitchen. Luke put the plates on the counter and rushed around to greet Jess.

"Luke." Jess returned in the same tone while standing up. They'd actually reached a point in their relationship where greetings no longer included yelling.

"What are you doing here?" Luke asked after a short non-girly hug.

"I'm here on business. All about board and such. I'm just looking for a place to crash."

"Apartments still upstairs." Luke said, pointing the stairs that led to his old home.

"Huh. Would have never guessed." It was the same type of comment he would have said years ago, only this time with a smile instead of a scowl.

"So, how long are you back for?" asked grabbing one of the bags Jess had dropped by the door. Luke didn't want to get his hopes up. He knew how much Jess hated this town.

"We'll see." Was all Jess said with a small smirk. Before going upstairs he looked around at all the people in the diner and the town. He thought to himself as he opened the door, '_I'm back.'_

**A/N: This is an old fic I am reworking. Up for any suggestions. I may not include them all but I will try. **

**Read and Review! Pretty please. **


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